100wc W33 – Ruby

The walk.

“I had to get out of the house.” I said to mumbled to myself. There are 10 people living in my house.

And let me tell you, its not easy. We are on lockdown at the moment and our house is cramped. I ran out the door clenching my backpack. I walked and walked until I couldn’t move my legs. I swung my backpack and looked in it to grab my phone just to figure out there’s a hole in my bag and my phone’s gone. I froze thinking I could hear a scream. The deafening screams echoed through the cold night.



4 thoughts on “100wc W33 – Ruby

  1. I love the way you have made your story right up to date as it is set in lock-down, Ruby. I think you have a little bit of repetition in the second sentence. ‘Mumbled’ is much better than ‘said’! You have some excellent descriptive phrases in your story: ‘clenching my backpack’ and ‘swung my backpack’. I can just see you doing both of those things.

  2. Haigh Rachel,
    Gosh your 100WC story inspiration is very appropriate at the moment and I think you have done a great job in your description of portraying what we are all feeling in lockdown, a long hike sounds so good right now.
    Your piece was rich in a variety of verbs and lovely phrases and your sudden inclusion of the prompt at the very end made us all stop in our tracks, it was a very effective use of the prompt.
    Well done and keep up the great writing.

  3. A great contemporary story Ruby! Understandably you need to leave your cramped home.

    You obviously put such a distance between you and your family when you describe you couldn’t move your legs and this adds to the panic when you realise you can’t find your phone, emphasising the feeling of abandonment and desertion! The prompt was well worked in to the storyline.

    Well done.

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