When I was twelve my Mother gave me some sort of lost treasure book. It was covered with dust and smelled old and musty. “What is it?” I asked.
“A book leading to a pit of diamonds.” She said with her eyes shining.
I didn’t want to upset her and tell her it wasn’t real. She took my hand and sprinted out the door. “Mum?” “Where are we going?” I asked tugging her back in.
“We are going to find that treasure!” She shook me lightly. “Alright!..” I said with a spring in my step. Off we went..
BOM BOM BOM ACTION FROM DAITHI
Hi Ruby,
Great 100 WC lots of adverbs, adjectives, dialogue and lovely phrases e.g. “her eyes shining” and “spring in my step”. Every great story starts with an opening that grabs your attention, brings you straight in the story and leaves the reader wanting to read on and you did all this. The only problem I see with what you wrote is that I want MORE which a sign of what a great job you did.
I also thought it was very funny that the child was the sensible character and it was the mum that was dragging her off on an adventure but it was so sweet that she was also sensitive so as not to hurt her mums feelings, lovely touch Ruby.