My Mother and I stepped out of the jeep. “Sydney Harbour!” My mother exclaimed as she dashed me out of the car.
The warm wind blew my hair back and forth.
Something rather odd caught my eye.
“Mum, what`s that over there?” I said glancing at the strange statue. “Oh Olivia its just a silly statue come on we must go into the sale!” She gripped tightly on my hand and pulled me into the store. Suddenly something blurry flashed across the window. All the statues where gone! My head was spinning with thoughts. Where did they go? Who are they?
Are they even statues? Before I could see my mother took hold of me and yanked me out of the store.
Dia duit Ruby, an excellent piece of writing, well done!
Your use of really nice adjectives, verbs and adverbs adds so much to the story.
Your line ‘My head was spinning with thoughts’ was a clever way to bring the story to a close – as the reader would have so many thoughts and questions that couldn’t be answered in the 100 words. It gave the reader permission to let go of those questions, we will never know what happened on Sydney Harbour that mysterious day. But it did leave me with that beautiful feeling of the warm breeze in my hair, that was a treat!
I laughed at your description of the Mum ‘tightly gripping’ the daughter’s hand and ‘yanking’ her into the shop – I think I could identify with that Mum, when you are focused on shopping nothing can distract you! It reminded me of a poem by William Henry Davies that my Art teacher often quoted and that Rachel reminded me of recently –
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
Artists and Writers say it is very important to observe and notice what is happening around them, this gives them their inspiration.
We must always take the time to observe and wonder – except of course when there’s a good sale on! 😉
Maith thú cailín cliste, lean ort. Mairéad
Hi Ruby,
You have such a fabulous vocabulary e.g. you just did’nt say got out of the jeep or mum just didn’t say something, you used” stepped” and “exclaimed” and there are many more examples of this in your 100WC. I think you must be someone who reads a lot, my English teacher in secondary school told his class one day if you want to write great stories read,read,read, simple rule, it helps with your vocabulary and imagination. I have to say I also thought it was funny that your two characters were focused on two different things, mum on the sale and you on the statues, how many times does that happen in families parents and children not interested in the same things parents trying to get practical things done and children’s attention drawn away by something more interesting……I have to say I was disappointed you didn’t get to investigate the statues, way more interesting than sale!
Well done Ruby.